new developments...!!!

Well its been a little while since my last post. Apologies, but I have been incredibly busy with the preparations for Spring.

Next weekend I will be attending the National Orff-Schulwerk Conference in Spokane, WA. I am one of three first-year students who were invited to go with the PLU Music Ed department. I am not particularly interested in Elementary Education, but I think this conference will prove as a notch in my belt. I am excited to meet other educators and learn about the field.

Speaking of being excited, my mind has been floating in the Choral Music Education clouds for quite awhile. With traveling to Bellevue in February for the NW Music Educator's National Conference, as well as a week in Chicago for the National American Choral Director's Association Convention, I am in need of business cards. Whew. Lot of words. Working with a friend of mine here shortly on a possible logo... I'm pretty excited!

And on top of all THAT, I ordered a Mollard Conducting Baton today. Pictures to come when it arrives :)

I also have been working ferociously on linkedin.com and connecting with other choral masters. In the spring I intend on meeting and interviewing Eric William Barnum, a choral composer and conductor. He is currently working on his DMA in Choral Conducting under Dr. Geoffrey Boers at the University of Washington.

AND we are preparing for our Christmas series at Pacific Lutheran University. The Choir of the West, University Chorale, and University Symphony Orchestra are combining to perform The Pacific Sanctus by Robert Kyr. It is incredible. You really don't want to miss it!

To sum it all up, I am FREAKING EXCITED for all the crazy things going on!

success.

Taylor Capellaro, KeelyAnn Kelly, and myself after our concert in Lagerquist

After completing our fall concert series at PLU, I feel right at home. It wasn't until I was singing "Beautiful Savior" at the end when I realized that my place in this choir, university, and family is all I could ever ask for.

I am still walking on clouds after last night's concert. I can still feel the energy of the performance and the thrill of being onstage. I live for that feeling.

Without a doubt, this has been an experience I will never forget. It is really hard to "move on" from the high school choir, but university is where its at! I am with a great group of people who are all dedicated to an amazing cause: music. We all work together to create such a beautiful sound in an amazing hall.

I will say, that I was nearly out of my skin during Chorale's warm ups. I was chosen to lead them.

Imagine you're driving a huge truck. This truck is strong, yet bumpy and sometimes hard to control.

No imagine you're driving the smoothest BMW ever. It responds perfectly, it purrs, and it hauls ass. Yeah. That's what leading warm ups for Chorale was like. Amazing.

To my fellow ensemble members, I thank you for letting me be a part of this family. I thank you for introducing me to the music I was born to live in. :-)

agent of chaos

flooding your mind

confusion

chaos: the beginning of all things.

every cloud begs for room in the sky of the mind

wind blows from all sides

there is air

but no breath

suffocate in the anxiety of your own passions, freedoms, loves, and smiles.

crashing waves 

spikes

lightening

frost

surrounds you surrounding me.

no direction.

no guide.

no love...

news...?

well, well, well. if it isn't for that seasonal feeling of stress, homework, midterm and proficiency exams.

ahh....

I will say that University Chorale is really picking up. (We better be, after all we DO have a concert in a week).

Dr. Galante is an amazing conductor. Today he harped on the fact that we, as a choir, don't pay enough attention to the text of the piece. Which is very true. When singing in a different language, it isn't really easy to connect to the text. But ya just gotta break out those translations and get to work! The audience deserves to hear what the composer intended. There should be nothing less.

This Sunday, Pacific Lutheran University will be premiering a work by Ola Gjeilo called Meridian. It is combined with the University Wind Ensemble, Choir of the West, and University Chorale. Ola will be visiting us this Friday to rehearse with the piece.

Ola Gjeilo

It is an interesting work. Not really my "cup of tea" but it sounds pretty good. I guess.

In other news, I will continue my vocal lessons with baritone Charles Stephens. Yah?

I haven't had much time to get working on my OWN music. I wish I did. Gosh darn, I want to write so bad!!

when it rains...

it pours.

this week was difficult. the timing of all the homework, friends, and activities built up a huge wave of "i don't have time for myself". It wasn't until this evening when i was really able to let go of somethings that have been on my mind.

the weather tonight was especially helpful - we're having this very strange florida-like weather, causing the humidity to soar while the rain falls. i tend to enjoy this heat, since i can't stand being cold.

taking a walk in the rain is so amazing.

i always like to say "that yeah, the rain really sucks. but it washes all the blood away."

in other, not-so-king-arthur words, the rain purifies everything. it gives the soul a chance to wash away all the bad things that get cluttered up over time.

tonight was about the rain. tonight was about revealing parts of myself so that they could be rained on. i needed some help and support, and i got that from another strong hearted person.

always remember the rain.

..f.i.r.e..

peace cannot exist today.

flashing spires crisp-burn at your mind's desires.
you burn the house you build.
a voice

cries but evaporates into the flame.
such a shame.

passion exists at the core of the troublesome desperation.
i cannot lie.
i cannot die.

fire breathes through my heart.
my soul weeps at the sight of smoke,
burn.
crash.
flames. destroy. all you have made me to be.

the study of alchemy, homecomings, and best friends.

This weekend was incredibly uplifting and enlightening.

I went home on Friday to attend my hometown's homecoming game. Such an ironic event - homecoming. I realized after several minutes of seeing people I didn't really want to see, that I didn't feel "home". It felt very awkward seeing people who hadn't graduated, or worse, those who had and aren't doing very much with their lives. Sad.

The next part of the night, I enjoyed some quality "roof time" with my best friend. Sitting on top of his house, we caught up on several weeks from being a part. As I've mentioned before, I consider my best friend to be my brother. It is so hard to go from being attached at the hip to living in different schedules. But this night made it worth the while - we talked for hours catching up.

Saturday was all about PLU. We brought Reece up here to hang out all night and have some fun. This was by far the highlight of my entire weekend - ping pong, music, hanging out, and spending time with other lutes.

Saturday night was interesting. After all the festivities of the day, everyone went to bed. Reece and I went outside and continued some of our conversation from Friday night. We talked until five in the morning. This conversation was the best I've ever experienced with my best friend. We laughed about the fun we had all day. We cried about the distance, the pain of being alone, and the emotions involved in letting it all out. I walk away from last night a changed person, ready. Thank you brother for that night. It means the world.

In my dreams class we are studying how alchemy can be applied to the interpretation of dreams. (Which, by the way I have to write a paper on in about twenty minutes).

The first stage of alchemy is lead. the nigredo.

Lead is:
dirty. heavy. worn down. garbage. rotten. wretched.

In a dream, it is represented by darkness and fog - being confused and not having a way out. Depression and uncertainty.

The second stage is silver. the albedo.


Silver is:
Clean. White. Sterile. Glossy.

In the dream world, this is described as the moon - you know the moon is there in the darkness because it gives you enough light to see. There is hope.

The third and final stage is gold. the rubedo. 


Gold is:
light. power. sex. beauty. sunrise. passion.

When in a dream, this becomes a pivitol point. It can represent all things good. But it can also burn out, and become less valuable. Thus, sending it back to the first stage of lead.

This topic is incredibly facinating to me. I have found ways to apply it to my life - what I've been through and which stages those events took place in.

In the end I feel certain:

That my brother is an amazing human being, and will always be there to lift me up.
That my life is worth more than bad days and complaints.
That my home is now found here at PLU, no longer in Enumclaw. Here I have family :)

lux arumque

college is hard.

crazy deadlines, graveyard shifts, and people at home begging me to come visit. (i will say, i am VERY excited to visit some friends this weekend).

among all the piles of homework, papers on tchaikovsky, pitch comparission, scale memorization, chord progressions, practice rooms, piano keys, and protocol - there is something that keeps me going.

what is it?

why do i keep going? what force drives me to wake up every morning and take on college?

is it God? the Holy Spirit? music? love? optimism?

i do not think it is one thing. i do not think it is a hundred things.

i believe it is the absolute soul and compassion of the waking heart that fuels your dreams. without the dreaming image - the foggy, narrow pathway - you cannot look for a light.

light. that is why i move on.

sailing A w a y . . .

today in my dreams class we practice our interpretive skills on a dream i had last night. here's the just of the dream:

i am driving along a coast to find a dock to chill out at. (i want to be alone).
the dock i find is a private one, and in order for me to leave i had to provide personal info about myself.
as i'm waiting for the approval to leave, a guy at the espresso stand (to my left) and i start talking.
he insists that i meet his wife because of our common interests in music (she is a voice teacher).
so there i am, waiting in his house for his wife to get out of a lesson.
i meet his kids, and start playing video games with them.
i meet his wife (whom i can barely make out the face).
its then time to go, so i leave.

what is interesting about this dream is that ALL of the characters are completely imaginative. i have never seen any of these people before in my life.

so in class, we talked about how this is mostly a metaphor for the college experience - i left home, looking for myself. what i have found is a family-like environment that i am comfortable with. we also discussed the issue of my imagination. apparently your psyche has different characters who, in a dream, will "introduce" you to unknown or unthought-of layers.

this blew my mind.

i'm here because i am looking to set sail on a new journey. at first i thought i would be doing this alone, but in fact i am within a family. i am comfortable here. i love it here. and wherever the wind takes me, i will have these people here to look to: i am not alone :)

an (un)common guest

"knock, knOCK, KNOCK!!"

"Who is it?"

"Your herhgkjthf"

"My what?!"

"Your heayfhdk"

"I don't know who you are. Go away."

"You do know who I am! You just haven't listened in a while!

"Why should I listen to a strange voice? My life is perfectly content the way it is."

"No it isn't. Everyday you ask yourself these deep questions about love, success, friendship, passion, and fear. But you just shove them to the back of your mind, hoping you won't have to answer to them."

"Yeah... so-"
     "SO! Now you have to answer to them."

"How?"

"Pay attention."

"Ok."

"Pay attention to me."

"Wait, who are you again?"

"Your heart."

a german guy eating chinese food and singing italian opera.

that's right.
the UC is serving Mongolian Beef!!

I had my second voice lesson with Charles Stephens this afternoon. It went really well! I am excited to be learning from this guy. He sings a lot of opera, and while opera isn't my favorite voicing style, he made it very interesting today.

He gave me a new piece, O DEL MIO AMATO BEN by S. Donaudy.

I believe the translation was written for a woman, but oh well!

This mongolian beef is really good.

Well, I'm off to MBR to practice my music before Ear Training!

Mi Amore!

h.e.r.o...

so for those out there looking for a window into my personal life, keep reading.

i love my best friend. he is my brother. we've been through so much together, accomplished great things, celebrated, fought, argued, and cared for each other for almost two years.

looking back, i realize how things have developed and changed over time. i understand we are both different people, coming from different backgrounds, and wanting new things.

and i believe it is because of these subtle differences that we can get arguing the most.

i overreact.

he underestimates.

but then its all over and we end up right where we started - everything's fine and dandy. no harm done.

if i had a sign that i could show the world, it would say how much i love my best friend. how much i care. how much i worry. how much i want to be a part of his life and lift him up every time he takes on the world.

he is a fantastic person.

and i doubt i would be alive today if it weren't for him.

woah. thats a bold statement. yeah, and its also very true. a long time ago there was a situation that conditionally paralyzed me from the ability to reach out for help. i couldn't open up to anyone.

except him.

so today i stand with the largest sign on my heart. God has answered my prayers and given me the brother i was born without. so here's to my bro:

the hero.
the lifesaver.
the younger one.
the best friend.
the listener.
the honest one.
the achiever.
the leader.
the partner in crime.
the teacher.

may our days be long together, because you're the reason i am who i am today.

late nights of cloudy skys

i'm up really late, and i love it.
there's something about being up this late - your mind seems to work in an exclusive way.

jokes are ten times as funny.
friends are a thousand times crazier.
the idea of sitting on your computer at 2:38am blogging about sitting on your computer at 2:38am is that  much cooler.

today was a great day:

my cousin Brandon came down from Whidbey Island to visit for the day. It was awesome! After showing him around campus, we headed to the mall and saw "Easy A". It rocked!!!

after that, my mom joined us for dinner in the university center. it was a great time to spend with family :)

so now we're hanging out in our hall's lobby. chill. good music. sweetness.

::::the light i shall seek::::

gods of sky speak a journey

of great truth and love they speak.

this is the light i shall seek:

there was a star whose light was faint
its glimmer reached:
tried
and failed.

i believe in this star
even when
i cannot see it's shine.

there was a maiden who could not speak
her song could not be heard:
not a sound
not a sound

i can hear the maiden sing
even when my ears
only hear the world.

there was a lake that was not clear
no reflection:
pure confusion
and murky water.

i shall seek the light of the star.
for it is not dim, it is only just growing.

i shall swim in the water

for it is not murky, it is abundant.

i shall sing the song of the maiden.
for she is not silent, her song is in the chamber of my heart.

gods of earth speak a journey
of great truth and love they speak.

this is the light i shall seek:

(!) off to the races..

if i have learned anything important about college lately, it is one simple truth:

this isn't high school anymore.

seems obvious, right?

well yeah.. until the reality sets in:

I have Bills to Pay.
I have a Calendar to Keep.
I don't have the same people around for Comfort.
I don't have my Best Friend there to talk to everyday.
This is different,
this is hard.

I wrote an essay for my Dreams class. Today was the draft-peer-edit. My comment from Dr. Seal left me incredibly confused. To paraphrase, he basically said "It looks good. It has potential to be great... how are you going to get it there?"

Ok, so pretty much I'm on My Own for this paper. Sweet.

I also realized that I don't have the same lifelines as in high school. i don't have the support from a mentor, i can't see my best friend all the time, and i miss my home stage.

its kind of strange, thinking that this is all hard and difficult. and yet, this is exactly what i wanted:
to move on
to grow
to meet new people
to win
to make a difference
to find the potentials of myself

the time is now, the race is started, and its a huge furlong before the finish line. may it be the best race i've ever run.